


Agony Of The Waking

by KateSmithNoble



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hallucinations, Madness, might be triggering towards the end, white cell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-01-07 04:11:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KateSmithNoble/pseuds/KateSmithNoble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He has no idea where or when he is, when the Master wakes up in a white empty cell. The drums are still pounding in his head and the only thing he has in mind is to escape.<br/>Till they get louder.<br/>An empty cell, the drums, a camera and a man left on his own with the torturing noise inside his head.<br/>(Angst, will be multiple chapters, more character involved in later chapters)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Amplitude

**Author's Note:**

> It’s almost completely concentrate on the Master (Simm!Master in particular)  
> Set somewhen after EoT…. It will be only him in a empty white cell… Nothing else….what else do you need to drive a mad man absolutely insane…  
> (I will probably add near the end a chapter from the Doctor’s point of view..mostly to explain some stuff I’ve thought up..)  
> (ignore pairings at first..it will get relevant not till the later chapters )

Have you ever had one of these old radios at home? You know.. the ones with the tuning wheels.  
One had to be very precise to get the right channel. You miss it by one millimetre and you get really annoying whirring to accent the thing you want.  
And sometimes you have the right frequency, but you get a bad signal.  
 A fading signal.  
It's getting quieter for a minute... just to raise in a shockwave...just to get incredibly louder...  
Usually you would turn the volume down or shut down the radio... but  
...what if you couldn't...  
 ** _What if it would be inside your head..._**

***************************************************************************

 

Slowly waking up the Master opened his eyes and shut them again abruptly with an annoyed groan.  
The white lights were too bright and were blinding him. He didn't even had the chance to see anything of the room.

Just in case he sat up first and then hesitantly opened them again.  
Still too bright... but this time he could adjust a little bit to it and noticed a few things.  
He was wearing the same clothes as he had worn on that day he found about the drums and his body wasn't losing any life-force anymore.  
Something.. or rather somebody.. had managed to stabilise him...to complete the resurrection. And lastly... the drums...they were still there... shamelessly beating inside his head, but right then they seemed to be quieter than usual.

Looking around, the Master examined every inch of the room.  
It was completely empty.  
The walls were made of shiningly white plastic, the floor and ceiling were the same, only the lights were shining through...and they were out of his reach. Good for them, because otherwise  he would have smashed them.

There were only two things which weren't neutrally white: the mirrored observing window in the door and the pitch-black camera in the upper left corner.

 

Oh somebody was watching...

 

The Time Lord got up, walked over and yelled towards it: "Dim the lights!!"  
Nothing.  
The blond groaned, stepped back and positioned himself in the centre of the room.  
Slowly, drained with despise, he started to clap for his observers and began to laugh.

"Congratulations you've caught me. Well done..."

Smiling viciously he asked: "What do you want from me? I'm not a very patient person, so you better answer now...later you will not have a chance to do so, since I'll rip your throat wide open with my own teeth, the second I get out.

No answer.

"You don't really think THIS" he turned around on a spot with his arms wide open "can actually hold me here. A camera... _uuugh_ I'm _soo_ scared.. _please_."

With a challenging gaze and without blinking he starred into the black ball.  
Still no reaction.

"Come on! What do you want? Anatomise me? Study me? I'd love to see you try.."  
 Silence.

"Fine!" barked the Master at it, sat down and crossed his  arms above his chest. He intended to sit there and do nothing until they will get bored and talk to him. If he would have a prisoner refusing to move, he would react..no fun in this for the person behind the camera.

Meanwhile he wanted to find a way out.

First thing to consider was the door.  
A door was always the weakest point of a cell.  
He could try to break through the window...or just kick it in, but it was likely to be one of these doors which opens to the inside and therefore harder to break open...  
It was worth a try, but after they've finally told him the reason for being there.

So he waited.

His thoughts were swirling inside his mind without a particular direction

Why was he there?  
Was he on Gallifrey?  
Was there his home outside and this was his punishment for killing Rassilon.  
He killed the most powerful Time Lord in the whole history of the universe.  
They should fear him.  
Obey him.  
He was the Master and he should rule over the almighty empire of his race, not being hold in a cell.  
There was no way they could hold him here for very long..  
He looked up. Nothing had changed. Still the bright light and silence

Fair enough..

The Time Lord closed his eyes, willing to stay in this position for hours.

Unavoidable he listened.  
 He was always listening to the pounding voice inside his head.

 

One - Two -Three - Four

One - Two -Three - Four

One - Two -Three - Four

He loved and hated them so much. They were making him strong, pushing him to fight, to get what he wants and forged his hate for everything. Everyone obeyed him, but secretly he always obeyed his drums.

Sometimes he hated them..it hurt..every beat.  
Especially when he tried to do something...horrible word but accurate...nice.  
They were screaming inside his mind to kill, to destroy and to posses. He didn't care whom they made him kill, but _sometimes_ he did..

They were torturing him, more and more with every regeneration. He feared them... he had feared them until that night in the wasteland.

Since he was a child every second was accented with the constant beating. He began the first day at the Academy confused, easily annoyed and by the end of the day he had beaten up another boy from his class.

He told the teachers the drums made him do it.  
Nobody believed him.  
They punished him and after it happened for the tenth time he hadn't mentioned the drums anymore. Violence was unacceptable, but his father managed that they didn't throw him out.  
It always came down to money and influence, didn't it?..

It was an inner fight every day, but it got easier few years later...when he met Theta...

 

One - Two -Three - Four

One - Two -Three - Four

One - Two -Three - Four

One - Two -Three - Four.

 

The Master opened his eyes.  
They were getting louder.

 _'Do-not-mo-ve...it's-what-they-want..._ ' were the drums shouting at him.

He was trying to ignore it...he always was and mostly failed at it.

Secretly he had hoped they will go away after the link to the Lock was broken, but they obviously didn't.  
 He couldn't do anything properly, could he? He's calling himself the Doctor, but manages to mess up every attempt to help him.  
Not that he wanted his help or something, but he could try harder. No amb..

OneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFour.

The Time Lord couldn't help it anymore and reached up, pressing his hands to his ears.

So loud..so incredibly loud.

OneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFour

Nononono they should stop.

OneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFour

Never fading..  
Always there.

He pressed his palms harder to his head, feeling the blood running through the veins beneath his skin. His hearts were racing and his breathing laboured.  
Starring at the door in paralysing anguish, he tried not to hear them...to ignore them...  
Never alone,  
Always hurting.

OneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFour

The Master screamed out. They were hurting him...the drums merciless ripping him open, making him bleed mentally.  
Beside the drums only one idea could take hold inside his tortured mind.  
He got up and yelled in pure agony towards the black ball:

"WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING..STOP IT JUST STOP IT..I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER FOR THIS!!JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT AND STOP IT!"

The only answer he got were the drums.

One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four.

They were as loud as before, but the speed started to slow down.

The Time Lord let himself slip to the ground along the smooth wall.  
Tilting his head back, he waited, with grounded teeth and tight fists pressed to his temples, for them to take away the noise.  
The pain faded away along with the pounding noise.  
Few seconds...  
One  
Two  
Three    
Four  
...just...ohh there...

Finally he could think...breathe..again. As always they stayed ..they were never leaving him..but proximally as a quiet steady beat. Just double loud as his hearts.

The Master relaxed his jaw and his tensed muscles.  
 He hadn't had experienced something like this for centuries. They were made to drive him onwards, not paralyse him.  
That...something was wrong...

He slowly breathed out, ran both his hands along the back of his head, starred at the white floor and for once not screaming he asked:  
"Why the hell did you do this? What's the purpose? Answer me!"  
Again no response.

"Of course you don't.." chuckled the Master tiredly. Acrimony was dripping from his laugh and he felt like he would faint any second.

He crawled back into the centre of the room, glanced over to the camera and laid down, mumbling: "Have fun watching me sleep."  
As soon as he closed his eyes, he lost consciousness.


	2. Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are getting louder and fading and he's not alone. Or is he?.  
> Things change, word are screamed into thin air and it's all for nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I've finally managed to finish the second chapter. MAJOR SPOILERS FOR "THE DARK PATH"... If you've not read it this won't make much sense. You can just go google Ailla if you want to though.  
> *sighs* poor Master...

Many hours later he woke up. He'd had no dreams at all.  
He was still in that white cell, but some things were different.  
 The lights were even brighter and the temperature had risen.  
And not just a _few_ degrees.  
Pearls of sweat were running down his face and his clothes were sticking to his body.

"Are you trying to boil me? Really??" he asked out loud not remotely expecting them to answer.

The blond dragged the hoodie and shirt over his head with one move and walked to a wall in hope it would be cooler than the inside.  
When he touched the white plastic (or at least he had thought it was plastic) it gave a angry hiss and he yanked his hand away in pain and a yelp floating from his lips.  
The Master narrowed his eyes and hold his wrist with the other hand looking at the burned flesh of his hand.    
The wall was hot as a plate. Hotter even.  
He was sure he had just burned away the main nerves in his digits. _Excellent_.  
This side of the room seemed even warmer then the centre of the room.

Just to test it he tried the opposite wall, first hovering his hand near it.  
It wasn't radiating any heat.  
Pressing his damaged hand to it, he gasped a little bit as the cool soothing sensation lowered the pain. Better.  
The Master sat down and pressed his bare back to the cold wall. Oh yes much better.  
He closed his eyes and breathed slowly through the pain in his hand and surprisingly also the one still lingering inside his head.  
The drums were there. Of course they were. They were his constant companion.  
Inhale  
Exhale  
Inh..  
The pain was still there, but it just made the loud drums inside his head more bearable.  
The pain let him focus on something and not just lose himself inside the pounding coming from deep within him.  
Why couldn't they just disappear and leave him alone.  
At that thought he bowed forwards and his eyes snapped open.  
No he didn't wanted them to be gone  
He never did before.  
Why now?  
They were making him stronger. More target oriented. Cleverer.

 

"No they don't."

 

At that the Master looked up and turned his head to the door where the voice came from and gasped his eyes widening with shock.  
There was a woman.  
Tall, confident posture, green big eyes and shoulder long dark hair, boots almost up to her knees. He knew her. He knew every curve and every detail of that woman.  
"Ailla" he uttered disbelievingly, staring at her motionlessly.  
She raised an eyebrow at him, crossing her eyes and stayed where she was. The little shift of weight. She had done that so many times. Always when he was explaining something to her when they had travelled together. Something obvious.  
The Master didn't move and didn't talk for a few seconds.  
It was impossible.  
He had tracked her down after what happened on Dark Heart. She had been executed and he was there. Watching.

"You can't be..."

"...real?" finished his former lover the sentence.

"Yes." he said, slowly letting his hands fall down and he tilted his head against the cool wall.  
"I'm hallucinating."

"Of course you are. You have high fever if you hadn't noticed and something is wrong with your head, Koschei." came from Ailla, much closer now and when he looked back at her, he saw that she was sitting in front of him, crossed legs and playing with a pen. She was twirling it between her fingers, occasionally tapping it at her thigh, like she always did when she was annoyed or frustrated about a calculation.

"Don't call me that ever again!" he growled at her, a groan escaping him as there was a spike of pain in his head.

"I knew you only under this name and you know that." she retorted not even flinching from him.

"Why are you even here?" he asked fixing his eyes on her and twitching to the blurred view of the twirling pen.  
"Compensation. Your brain is compensating. Now to the thought before. They don't make you stronger you know?" she said looking straight in his eyes and they were cold.  
Cold as they were the moment she died in his arm and cold as she admited to have spied on him. Cold like in the moment he found out all was a lie and the universe had fallen into chaos he needed to tame.

"They lead me. They are a part of me." he mumbled in response, closing his eyes again, hoping she would disappear.  
"They are not! They make you angry and they make you blind for details."  
"Shut up would you!"  
"No. You need to hear this, because somewhere deep you know it's true. I am what you need right now."  
"I don't need you. Never did."  
"Liar. Trickster. Aimless madman. I should have taken you out way before Darkheart."  
"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU, AILLA! WHY DID YOU WAIT? " he screamed at the image in front of him, gasping from the growing pressure inside his head.

One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four.

"Because I wanted to see how you would react if you meet _him_ again." she answered calmly.  
"Don't.." he uttered, pressing his hands against his skull.  
"Ooor maybe you were just a wonderful object to study. The growing madness inside your head and you still were able to love me. A presumed human girl." she said laughing quietly at him, her head tilted to a side.  
"I didn't." said the Master narrowing his eyes, letting his hands drop again.  
"You did and you couldn't _bear_ the thought of losing me so you burned a planet, but you know what was the most interesting part?" she shifted closer, leaning in just as she did to kiss him so many times before, but instead of doing so she added almost with a mocking tone:  
"How easily you got into the belief that _he_ was involved in it."  
The Time Lord stayed motionless and just stared at her, not able to react to that.  
It was centuries ago.  
She was dead and this was just his brain trying to distract him from pain and the torturing beat inside his head. Nothing more.  
"Stubborn as ever, Koschei. Never thought about it, right? But you did. You always asked yourself why that happened. If he was against you all along. If he had planned along with me to throw you into a black hole." she was close and laughing in his face and if it would have been someone else he would reach up to hit her. But it was Ailla.  
His Ailla  
And he hated her.  
Hated her so much in that moment.  
Ever since the moment he had sacrificed so much for her just to find out everything was a lie.  
He growled and pushed himself up pacing away from her, panting and stumbling as his head was spinning.

One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four.

Ailla stayed where she was, turned so she could lie on the floor, her hands folded on her stomach.  
"But you knew he didn't do it."  
"SHUT UP!"  
"You knew it and still you decided to believe otherwise. They told you to do it. Told you he was making you weak"  
"SHUT UP OR I WILL KILL YOU!" he screamed, turning to her, but she wasn't there anymore.  
"You could have seen through everything so much earlier."  
The Master froze as Ailla's voice came from behind him, just next to his ear  
"That anger. That's what makes you weak. Unfocused. Stupid animal driven my instinct."  
And that was the last impulse he needed to snap, he spun around, his hand closed around Ailla's throat and pushed her back against the door.  
Or so he thought.  
His hand went through the fading image of his former lover, his eyes just catching the last glimpse of the almond shaped green eyes so filled with mockery, and his fingers bend as they hit the glass of the observation window.  
The window shattered and his fingers were burned again. The blond man cried out in anger and turned around searching for his own hallucination, for a second forgetting she wasn't real.

One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four, One - Two -Three - Four.

  
The Time Lord was panting, the drums again so _so_ loud and there were shreds of glass in his hand, sticking out between his fingers.  
Holding his breath and counting along with the drums, he grabbed the long shards and dragged them out one by one.  
There was a loud clear noise as he let them slip to the floor and they broke apart even further.

One-Two-Three-Four   
One-Two-Three-Four

He looked down at his damaged hand. Burned and he couldn't even feel the blood running down his fingertips and staining the shining white floor beneath.

It was somehow fascinating to watch the stirring red fluid on the characterless white surface.

One-Two-Three-Four. 

The Master bowed down and dragged one blot of blood to a side with his index finger, watching it getting more transparent with growing distance until he didn't have any blood on his fingertip anymore.  
It was calming.

One-Two-Three-Four

He was feeling dizzy. Dizzy with anger and pain.  
The blond then looked up to the shattered window and quickly walked up to it, expecting that he had found a way to get out by mere luck. But he stumbled back as he realised what he was looking at. 

That couldn't be right.

He was staring at a giant yellow sun, only dimmed by a force field separating him from the vacuum outside.  
And it moved. Not the sun. HIM.  
That cell. His own bloodied prison was moving through space.

The Master turned around, shortly looking up to the camera in the corner, and went back to the cool wall.  
The drums were fading again, but the pain remained.  
"Stop..." he mumbled, closing his hands behind his head and sliding down to the floor with his knees tugged up to his chest. Bowing his head down he closed his eyes.

 

"Don't fall asleep, Harry." came a soft voice from above him and he could almost feel bony fingers running through his hair.  
A gentle touch.  
A loving touch.  
  
"Lucy.."


	3. LOUDER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy Saxon. His faithful, believing, adoring wife. And his burden. And his guilt...and his drums.  
> Her voice and touch. Just /his/ voice. 
> 
> And louder  
> AND LOUDER  
> AND LOUDER  
> and SILENCE...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this chapter is obviously focused on the Master (as always ) and Lucy.  
> tw: umm blood, guilt etc. Just not for the lighthearted probably. 
> 
> Also not beta-read :P Yeah well if you want to be my beta for this just leave a message on my tumblr (thoscheiongallifrey) ^.^  
> There will be I think three more chapters (originally planned were 5, but I will add one because plot reasons )  
> Enjoy and don't kill me for the FEELS :P

Lucy was dead.  
Dead and gone after trying to kill him for the seconds time and he knew it.  
He saw her.  
In the vulnerable state of the resurrection he had even felt the life energy fading from her body and when there was only fire left he hadn't stopped for her. He ran through the flames and didn't look back.

But right then he did. The Master slowly looked up to his hallucination.

"Oh Harry. You look awful." smiled the blonde human with slight worry in her eyes and kneeled down in front of him. He stared at her and didn't react much. Not after Ailla.  
Was he hallucinating _Lucy_? Not the one that killed him in the end... _his_ Lucy?  
His faithful, believing, adoring Lucy?

"Don't you want to greet your wife properly?" she asked still the warm smile on her lips. The Master let his arms fall and blinked at her as if he couldn't see her properly.  
"You're dead. You're not here." he said lacking any emotion.  
"True and whose fault is it, Harry?"  
"Yours"  
"Is it?"  
"Yes." he answered without hesitation, but looked away and got up leaving her kneeling on the ground.

"Harry..." she sighed looking up to him with a soft smile. It was a smile she had in the nights when he had startled from sleep after the drums broke him out of his dreams. There was something so motherly about it, it mostly confused him to the core.  
"Lucy.." he said shortly, not walking away since he wasn't sure what his new hallucination meant yet. Why would he hallucinate her. He was not as pathetic as him to linger on his former companions even though...no.. he shouldn't think like that. Stupid apes meant nothing in the end.  
Lucy pushed herself up and stepped closer to him.  
She was wearing the long red silk dress he had gave her to her birthdays back when his empire was rising, back when she stood at his side and was his. Now it was merely a hallucination and after Ailla she most probably couldn't be a good one. So he didn't allow himself to treat her like his actual wife. Just a picture.  
Grinding his teeth he tolerated her, but then she reached out a hand to his cheek and he flinched away with a growl.  
"Go away Lucy." he told her and turned to walk back  to the door. Since the drums weren't exactly loud in that moment he really had to used his time wisely. There was yellow light coming from the broken window and also heat was still radiating from the wall, but it was less strong than before. Frowning the Time Lord looked out of the window examining the sun.

"Well lower temperature makes sense doesn't it? We've passed the perihelion if you haven't notice." came a male, lightly amused voice from right behind him and the Master quickly turned around, but _he_ wasn't there.  
Just Lucy, who was waiting for him to pay attention to her again.

"I've told you to go away." he said looking at her and coming closer. "I can't deal with you right now."  
She only smiled and shook her pretty head.  Lucy had always been patient with him, forgiving and he hated and loved it at the same time.  It was driving him crazy sometimes because he couldn't quite understand, but also often made him smile. It was just a sigh how much power he had over his human companion.

"If you'd wish me to leave for real I wouldn't be here, Harry." answered Lucy, still smiling, but it dropped into worry again and she added calmly: "Tell me what's wrong. Just like you always did."  
She stepped closer and he could swear he could even smell her light perfume.  
Jasmine and vanilla.  
"Remember the nights when you were telling me everything. Every little thought in your head. Every doubt. I was always there." she said softly and reached up to him again, but this time he didn't move away. He expected her to stop before her fingers would go through him...only that they didn't.  
He frowned slightly as he could actually feel her fingers on his skin.  
Warm and soft.  
As much as he was obviously getting completely mad he automatically relaxed into her touch and unintentionally leaned into it.  
" The fever. It's getting worse. You're the prove." he mumbled looking in her big eyes and was, maybe for the first time after he woke up in that cell, completely calm.

"No it's not that. Think again, darling." Lucy said, still keeping up the lingering touch, caressing his cheek with small gentle moves of her fingertips. For some reason she used her nails to lightly scratch over the scruff on his face and looking fascinated at him. He didn't really mind, but it was odd.  
Of course he knew what she meant, but until then he really didn't want to think about it.

After a minute or two he finally managed to answer with slight fear in his eyes:  
"The drums. The drums inside my head. They are different now. They hurt me. They are getting too loud. Shockwaves...They come in shockwaves. I don't understand it Lucy. I...What if next time.." his words faded into nothingness and he just looked at her,  finding comfort he didn't even want in those soft eyes. She tilted her head and watched him. Studied him.  
"You're afraid." she finally said and froze in her movements. Her overtone shifted a little bit and he could see something dark under her skin, slowly creeping up to the surface. It was a bruise under her eye. One he had put there himself ages ago, but now looked brand new.  
"And you really should be. " she added, hardening her grip on him and he could swear he almost felt her scratching him as she withdrew her hand.

"NO I'm not. I won't be." snapped back the Master, taking a step back and stared at her.  
No he wouldn't be afraid of them ever again.   
Fear was a weakness.  
He was the one who brought fear upon others and nothing could ever bring it upon him. Not even the drums. He couldn't allow that to happen.

"You are afraid. Afraid because they are getting _louder_." said Lucy and something shifted in her smile. Then everything about her started to change. Just slightly and slowly.  
More and more.

One - Two -Three - Four 

And the drums were there, beating again, not too loud but nevertheless louder than before.  
He took a step further back as he saw dark bruises mark her skin, spreading from her face to her neck, shoulders and arms. And cuts. Cuts from one knife he had always had in his suit. The red silk around her body became darker on a few places as the blood came through.  
"..louder.." she said, her voice flat suddenly and the beat inside his head got louder with her words. Like if she was in charge of the drums.

OneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFour

Clenching his fists until it hurt, until the scabs between his fingers broke and warm blood ran down his finger, he said coldly but his voice wasn't as steady as he thought:  
"Stop it, Lucy! I order you to STOP."

OneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFour

"No. You deserve this. You destroyed me and so I will destroy you." she said and he could actually hear the sound of the bones breaking in her arm and wrist in the exact same way it did as he had smashed her arm one day in anger.  
He let out a pained gasp as the pounding inside his head got louder yet not loud enough for him not to hear her words. She came closer, her look almost burning on his skin.  
"AND LOUDER." she screamed at him.

** ONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOUR **

"STOP!" screamed the Time Lord at her and sank down to one knee, clenched fists and laboured breathing.

** ONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOUR **

So loud...  
The two figures of Lucy and him looked together in the most grotesque way like if he was about to propose to her.

"You will die, Harry. But they will drive you insane first. Torture you until you wish to die.... LOUDER!!" she continued, blood coming from her split lip, looking down at him with eyes empty and free of any mercy.  
He had made sure of that.  
It was him who had burned compassion out of her heart in the end. Only him. Not even the death and destruction of the end of the universe managed it completely. Only him.

** ONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOUR**

So loud

** ONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOUR **

Too loud

He couldn't think anymore. He didn't even know how to breath.  
Everything there was, were the drums and the voices in his head.  
 _Hers_ and _His_. _Their_ voices and only _she_ visiblein front of him.

** ONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOUR **

The Master's body had started to shake as he dropped to both knees and another scream was ripped from his throat as the drums got faster and louder.  
No air.  
No time.  
Just pain and the drums and her looking down at him.

** ONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOURONETWOTHREEFOUR **

"PLEASE TAKE THEM AWAY! STOP! NO MORE LUCY! PLEASE." and with that he collapsed on the floor, hands pressed against his ears and blood running down his face and neck from his hand.  
He wasn't moving anymore.  
He couldn't even think how to move.

** ONETWOTHREEFOUR  **

Only a scream in his throat and his body tensed up, completely curled up into himself. Just wishing everything to stop.

Then suddenly there was an almost girly giggle and..

______________________________________ the drums were gone __________________________________________  
                                                                                                              all at once. ...gone.

And the Master still screamed.  
Screamed in fear.  
Screamed from his mind losing its hold.  
Gone...

She giggled again and he found himself getting back to his knees again and the scream seizing to be. Her eyes made him stop. The Time Lord was looking up to her in fear and mumbled: "they are gone..." and closed his eyes. And there was relief and pain and too much silence and immense fear.  
They couldn't be just gone. Not after so many centuries.  
They were him.  
He needed them.. they couldn't..  
His entire body dropped any tension and his hand were weakly in his lap as he searched for his drums. For the beat he hated and loved.

Then there was a loud click and his eyes snapped open.

"I loved you once, Harry." whispered Lucy into the pressing silence, holding a gun and pointing it right between his eyes. The loud noise has been her releasing the safety catch apparently.  
The Master looked weakly up at her for a moment and then started to laugh, powerless, mad and almost not audible.  
"For the third time then, Lucy? Just for the good measure?...Just do it. Come on. Shoot." he said in a mocking tone but actually he meant it in his bitterness and fear.

"You deserve this!" she said her finger steadily on the trigger.

"Look at what you did to her. You deserve this, Koschei." added the Doctor's voice right next to his ear.

The blond Time Lord didn't turn around and followed the Doctor's order.  
Lucy, beautiful as ever, bruised and broken bones, almost not human anymore, ready to kill him again since all love he had turned into hate and fury. His beautiful creation.  
There was a small smile on his lips as he took a deeper breath, ignoring his spinning head and uttered weakly:  
"I deserve this." and with that he heard four tiny very slow beats in his head. They were not his hearts. They never left.

one                  two                  three              four

There was no point. Giving in and giving up was what he did. What was so easy as he looked into the barrel of the gun and in the haunted eyes of his Lucy.  
His vision was getting blurry, the world just a twist of white, yellow and red.  
"At least this time I see it coming." he mumbled, forcing his eye to focused once more, still the smile on his face as there was a loud bang.  
One shot  
No pain.  
Everything went black and he dropped to the floor once again.


	4. Desolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is left?  
> What can be left?  
> What does it make him?  
> Doctor?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuugh ok this chapter is slower. Like the ache of a burn on your skin.  
> Just okaay.  
> And I stated how many chapters this fanfic will have. 6. So two left and I hope I will get them done soon.

The first thing the Master saw when he woke up was blood on the shiningly white floor. It was a small pool around his hand and the cuts were not healed yet. That could only mean that he wasn't unconscious for long. He probably really should sit up and clean it so it would mend, but he didn't.

The blond Time Lord stayed on the ground, lying on his side  and even closed his eyes again, not wanting to see or think anymore. Taking a deep breath he shivered slightly since the room got colder again. It returned to the temperature it had when he woke up there in the first place.

But that was not the thing that hold him on the ground.

It was the silence.

Not completely. Just a few beats. So slow and delicate, his mind reached out for them like a man would try to catch raindrops on his tongue during a shower in the desert.  
Like if the beat of the drums was a lifeline to him.  
Like if with them something was escaping him.  
Like he was fading with them.

He opened his eyes again and looked at the blood, slowly moving his hand and wincing slightly at the pain resulting from it. It was nothing really, but in the silence and the isolation he was in it felt like a lot more. The Master let his fingers swipe in the blood and it actually made him breath easily. Just lightly, but the smell of artron energy and the thick bordeaux liquid on his hands was something so normal...it grounded him a little bit. In the same manner as the pain itself did.

"They will be gone soon and you know it." said a familiar voice and the Master didn't even need to look to know who it was. The one with the impossible hair.  
"The drums never leave. Never ever. It can't be." uttered the blond and closed his eyes to concentrate again.

One

Two

Three

Four

They were still there. Still with him. Everything was fine

"No it's not. You're insane and you will die in this cell." answered the Doctor to his thoughts and made him shift slightly and look up at him.  
The Doctor was sitting next to him with crossed legs and was playing with his stupid sonic screwdriver like if he was just casually dropping by.

"No I won't."

"Yes you will. You're in space with no ship and no chance to escape. And have you realised that you've not eaten nor drink anything for at least a few days." said the thin Time Lord without any mockery, just stating the mere facts of the situation. And he was right. The lack of water was getting annoying yes. Especially after the temperature was so high for a while. And the bloodloss.  
Swallowing hard on his dry throat, the Master continued to move his fingers through the blood on the ground, drawing little patterns into it. Ordering it with his touch.

"There must be a way. I don't want to die.. certainly not here." he said, with a hoarse voice and no bite behind it. It was too late for that. The prisoner sat up and stared at the other Time Lord in front of him. "What are you doing here anyway? I'm really getting mad if I think up you."

"Actually I think I'm the most obvious hallucination. Or wait am I even one?" grinned the Doctor at him and flicked the sonic screwdriver in the air almost too cheery for words before letting it disappear in his pockets. It was like the Master's state didn't have any effect on him and he actually find it amusing.

"And for why I'm here... Isn't that obvious, my dear Master?"  
The Doctor leaned forwards and reached with his fingers into the blood, coating his fingertips with it. With an expression of utter victory and delight like if he was attending an experiment, he reached to the Master's face and smeared the blood on his lips like paint. The other Time Lord just froze, because he could feel it, taste it and actually doubted for the first time that this was a hallucination.  
Did the Doctor come for him?

"Are you here to play the hero and save me?" he answered, trying to sound mocking again, but he couldn't bring the edge of hope out of his voice.

The thin Time Lord looked at him and raised an eyebrow before he started to laugh loudly. Tilting his head back and laughed at him with all his hearts. The Master felt like cringing from the horrible sound of it and the meaning that was behind it.

"Help you? Oh no. You rejected all my attempts to help you in the past. So why should I?"

"Because it's what you do. _Doctor_. You can't help yourself"

"I can and you wasted too many chances, Koschei. So no. Noo no no. I'm not here to help you. I'm here to _watch you fall_. I'm here to watch you die and to finally win our little game. Funny isn't it? I was so obsessed with trying to help you that I forgot to play and now the final strike did someone else. At least I don't have to kill you on my own. Or maybe it was me who put you here? One last move in the game."

"You wouldn't dare.. Not like this. This is a solution of a coward. Letting me starve.. _please_ ~. And I thought you had some dignity left." snapped back the Master and moved a little bit away from him, eyes wide open.  
No the Doctor wouldn't do that to him. Would he? Maybe. He let him burn and die a few times already, but never permanently.  
The game was suppose to go on. It always had to.  
None of them could just decide to end it.

"But you did, didn't you? You tried to end it once already. You died and told me you win. Well, my dear, you were wrong. I win. I always win and you lose." answered the Doctor, smiling at him but his eyes were cold and full of hatred. "You deserve this, Koschei." he added, standing up  and walking up to him. Almost like a hurt animal the Master quickly shuffled back until his back hit the wall.

OneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFour

Suddenly the Doctor didn't matter and he let out a relieved laugh.  
They were there.  
Hardly audible but a little bit faster..and just _there_!.  
Still laughing madly he looked up at the Doctor who was looking down at him with disgust.

"You _want_ them? You want to be this insane abomination?" he said and crouched down in front of the laughing man, placing one hand next to his head on the wall. The laugh faded into dry sobs, gasping for air and pain running through the Master's head like thunderbolts. The blond Time Lord looked in the Doctor's eyes, no noise coming from him anymore, but he was still laughing and sobbing. It didn't matter if it was happiness or despair. It was both and it melted into each other perfectly.

The Doctor leaned forwards and pressed the other hand to the other's chest and moved  just inches away before their lips touched. Right at that point he whispered: "They are gone, you know. You're just imagining it. And I'm going to prove it to you..."  
With that his fingers tensed on the Master's chest and the older Time Lord froze, gasping and staring at the thin man in horror.  
And then he screamed.  
He screamed as something was burning through his skin, flesh and bone. As the Doctor's fingers burned their way into his body, radiating a faint goldish glow around them.  
Yet he didn't close his eyes. Not for a second. The Master raised his hands and tried to push the other back, but with his free hand the Doctor grabbed his wrists and pinned them against the wall over his head.

OneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFourOneTwoThreeFour

"STOP!! DOCTOR STOP!" he screamed at him, staring down at his broken body and the hand in his chest, rotating to cut through him until he knew.. he just knew..that the Doctor's fingers were closing around his left heart.  
"Now listen to your drums. Still there?" asked the thin Time Lord tilting his head to a side like if it was him who wanted to listen. Desperate for the torture to end the Master nodded and stared at him, the scream seizing to be. They were there. Clear and loud. Pounding wonderfully in his head.  
"How about...now?!" said the Doctor and his fingers closed hard around his heart and made him jerk and scream again and then slump down as one heart stopped beating.

One...Two...One..Two...One..Two...One...Two.. 

Only a beat of two was left and the Master's face suddenly lacked any emotion from the realisation.  
It was his hearts.  
His hearts that made the drums now.  
They were really gone.  
The only think that remained was his wishful thinking.  
Gasping he looked at the Doctor who laughed and withdrew both his hands from him and said:  
"Don't you see? You're already gone. You're nothing. You can't be saved because you don't want to. Without them what are you then? You can't even think without them."

"Then end it. Don't be such a coward and just end it, Doctor." answered the Master and his eyes rested on the other's hands, realising that there was no blood on them. Therefore he looked down on his chest and saw no wound, no blood..nothing. And his heart was beating again. But it was like the magic was gone.  
He knew too much to lull himself into believing his drums were still there with him.  
There was nothing left.  
With them left something he thought was his purpose. The drive within him.

"That's right. That's the only way left for you, but I think I will give you some time to think. Some time to cherish the silence." answered the Doctor standing up again and walking to the other side of the room. The Master stared in front of him, his mind reaching out until he almost couldn't feel his body anymore. Until he felt like he had to leave it behind to not get mad.  
But he couldn't.  
"Please..just end it..I can't.." he mumbled and looked up towards the Doctor, but he was gone.  
Gone and it was completely silent.  
There is no sound in space.  
The only thing he heard was his breathing and his fastened heartbeats. He was still alive and there was nothing left.  
As hard as he tried to find the signal again. To find his purpose again. There was nothing and he wrapped his arms around his torso, pressing himself to the wall, trying to stop shaking and screamed into the empty room in desperation:  
"NO! YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE THEM AWAY AND LEAVE! YOU ALWAYS LEAVE.. DOCTOR?!..I CAN'T..END IT..PLEASE..END IT.."

~*~

In a different quadrant of the universe a thin Time Lord with impossible hair startled from his sleep with a surprised yelp, eyes wide open in fear and surprise, and an echo of a voice in his head that was screaming for him. A voice the Doctor thought he would never hear again.


	5. Trace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As in the last chapter hinted the Master's attempt to scream at the Doctor ended up him projecting it telepathically.  
>  Someone listened for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is VERY different. The pace and wording is just not the same, because this is the Doctor's POV.   
> Also it's not set in the cell as the only chapter in this fanfic.   
> It's the chapter that explains where the Master is and how the Doctor found him. 
> 
> Now wait for the final chapter. That one will be called Redemption ;)

Panting the Doctor bowed forwards with a groan and pressed his hands against his face for a second and dragged them down along his features. It had been a strong telepathic projection and that hurt. Well and the fact that the person who apparently send it was someone he thought to be dead for a long time. Although he always came back somehow. It was just what he did.   
The Doctor let himself fall back on the bed and stared through the transparent ceiling out into the starry night. It was impossible.. utterly impossible even if the other Time Lord survived the attack and being dragged along with the others into the Time Lock.   
Could it be right?   
How.. _how_ could the Master be back?   
And more important was. What was happening to him to scream for him like that?

Quickly the thin Time Lord got up from the bed and got dressed in a hurry.   
It didn't matter why. He couldn't just ignore it. Even if it maybe was just a trap or it maybe even wasn't the Master himself. There was no way he would not react to that.

Just a few minutes later he was running up the ramp to the console and reached for the screen, turning it to him so he could run a few scans. His fingers flew over the keyboard and he frowned slightly at the screen. Nothing. The ship didn't quite register telepathic transmissions... or maybe she did and didn't want to show him for some reason.   
"Oh come on! Behave!" he shouted up at her, sounding a little bit more harsh then he intended to.   
At that the screens flickered for a second and then a few strings of code appeared. Tiny lines and oh so weak signal. Maybe enough for her to trace back the solar system but not in any more detail.   
The Doctor reached up and ran his hand through his hair, staring at the readings. He was right. There was a reason she didn't show it to him in the first place.   
It was desperate screaming and without even remembering the words he knew there was a lot of pain behind it. And hate..partly against him and he knew it.

"Thanks but I can handle it." he mumbled while starting to move around the console and made her trace back the signal until there were coordinates flashing up on his screen.   
Gorgoneion System.   
Of course.   
What else?   
It was the closest one to the Medusa Cascade.   
Without even realising it there was a smile flashing up on his face as he saw that. First it was a small system. Second it made sense if the Master really escaped the Time Lock that he would end up there. Maybe..just maybe it was a real call.

The system was tiny. Three planets called Medusa, Stheno and Euryale and just one sun. All of them terraformed, beside Medusa. The planet died very soon in its timeline and remained just a piece of rock. For some reason the TARDIS gave him coordinates somewhere on Euryale.   
Fixing the coordinates and pulling at a few levers the TARDIS dematerialised and after throwing the Time Lord off into the railing a few times, they arrived at their destination. The Doctor grabbed his coat from the pillar and while he was putting it on he ran down the ramp out of the TARDIS.

Strangely enough he found himself standing in front of a monastery. The entire complex was painted white and with bright lights shining into the gardens and into the windows.The high walls around it were just divided by an enormous golden gate with a title on top of it.

The Sisterhood of Phorcyseto

Raising an eyebrow the Doctor continued towards the entrance of the building through the pompous gate, but was stopped by two nuns approaching him midway.   
"Good afternoon. Can the sisterhood help you?"   
Immediately the Doctor set up a warm smile and greeted them:   
"Yes. Right. Hello. Beautiful place. I hope I don't break any rule of your order by walking in like that, but I'm looking for a person and my ship traced back a signal to this place. I'm the Doctor by the way."   
The nuns smiled at him, but it faded a little bit as he mentioned his name and the two women looked at each other shortly.   
"I take this is not the first time you hear my name?" said the Doctor frowning slightly at their reaction.  
"I'm afraid not. One of our patients used it many times in delirium. That would be probably the person you're looking for." answered one of them and turned halfway around gesturing towards the building to invite him in. Without any delay or talk he followed them to one office, where they asked him to sit down and wait.

Usually the Doctor wasn't that restless, but in that moment he was. Fidgeting and jumpy and worried. Why was the Master a patient in a monastery?... And why couldn't he feel him on this planet if he was there? Why the screaming when those nuns seemed to be quite peaceful. Although he met a few nuns that were just like that and were killing thousands of humans every day, believing they were doing good. The Time Lord crossed his arms in front of his chest, one leg moving slightly with the turmoil within him. When the door finally opened he was within a second on his feet and reaching out his hand towards an elderly woman with glasses on her nose and wrinkles around her eyes.   
"The Doctor. Hello. Pleasure to meet you and you would be..??"   
"So I heard. Mother Superior Atonia" she said and after hesitating a little bit, she took his hand and shook it. "You're here because of the one who calls himself the Master," Atonia added and walked over to her seat behind the table and  pointed at the Doctor's former seat to make him sit again.   
The Doctor couldn't deny the relief when she used the Master's name, but somehow felt more worried than before. Yet he sat down and looked at the woman in front of him.   
"Yes." he answered simply, deciding he would better let her speak first, "Where is he and why is he here?"   
Mother Superior just smiled at him and shook her head, while reaching for a little cube on her desk.

"You see it wrong, Doctor. He's not here. He's in one of our long-term separation cells with a special treatement after attacking a few of the Sisters. We've sworn to help everyone who would come here and we did. But his case needed a few methods to which we retrieve only seldom. His insanity needed to be cured."

With that she put the cube on the desk and a holographic screen appeared between them, showing data and a 3D picture of the Master. The frown on the Doctor's face deepened and he pushed himself up from the seat, getting up to read the details. Slowly his expression turned into one of consternation. Then to complete horror.  
There were records of attacks resulting in aggression, catatonic states and amnesia. Of attempts to restrain the Master. Of injuries he accidentally brought upon himself during an attack.   
 It didn't stay by  that, the nuns had tried to sedate him at all costs and had send him into a healing coma for a few days, using it to transport him for his new treatment. They nearly killed him before they even closed him into that cell, since a few of the sedatives included traces of acetylsalicylic acid. _Aspirin_.   
"Y..you.." he started, not even knowing what to say, but his hands had curled up into tight fists and he started to shake a little bit as he forced himself to stop reading.   
Atonia just sat there and calmly responded:   
"We have realised that this poor insane man needs isolation. Needs clarity. His paranoia was making him imagine noises in his head and in his more instable moments he almost spoke of those 'drums' as a person. Clearly there was only one way left to break through that psychosis."

"WHAT BY KILLING HIM??!! BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW!" screamed the  Doctor at her out of sudden, breathing heavily with anger and more than that with worry. They were starving him and there were no records of him getting any water either. Obviously they had found out he wasn't human, since that treatment would have killed one days ago.

The nun didn't even flinch and answered smiling up at him: "Yes. On the edge of death a sinner experiences a state of clarity. Clearing of the soul, when it is about to leave the physical world."

The Doctor stared at her in horror, his breathing returning to normal but his entire behaviour changed into calm cold rage.   
"I'm going to be very _very_ calm about this. You can't understand and I really don't have the time to argue with you about your own sanity and believes. The thing you will do right now is giving me the exact position of that cell and let me get him out of  there before you kill him or before he does it himself. Because there is one thing you,  with your small world and limited thinking, don't get. He's mad, everyone would be after what he went through and I will always try to help, but NEVER like that. The drums in his head are _not_ an illusion of his mind. They are real and leaving him like that is sheer torture. You're driving him more insane than he had ever been, with taking any chance for him to escape them. I will not leave him there much longer and don't even _try_ to stop me. " the Doctor said with a steady voice fuelled by the anger. Insane and blind those women were..   
"I can't even imagine how much damage your _treatment_ had caused him already." he snapped at her and reached down to the table, shutting off the hologram and grabbing the little cube from the table.

"You're mad." said the Mother Superior with eyes wide open and slight fear making her voice shake.

"Yes I am. So don't play games with me, because there is not a chance you would win. Not after what you just did to him." he answered and turned to walk out of the door, starting to run the second he was in the corridor. There were a few nuns frowning, shouting after him and trying to stop him as there was  an alarm echoing through the ancient halls. The Doctor headed straight to his TARDIS and closed the door before anyone could catch up with him. He didn't want to stay around those nuns for much longer and once he got the Master out they could go back and... fix the system?..make them stop whatever they were doing?   
The Time Lord ran up to the console and in a rush just let the  TARDIS go into a stationary orbit above Medusa to escape any pursuers for the moment. So many small jumps within one timezone  were really not good for her and he would have to make a stop in Cardiff after that to refuel, but it had to do until that was settled.

Once in the orbit the Doctor took out the small cube and put it into one of the many slots on the console, again typing quickly a few command codes. Telepathically he told her to hurry and just got a small electroshock from the  console next time he touched it.   
" Moody old box. Alright.. sorry. He's dying so could you maybe hur... _oh thanks dear_.." he started to ramble and pacing around just when the analysis had stopped  and a strange picture appeared on the screen. It was the Gorgoneionian sun with about ten satellites. Each one of them seemed to be one of the isolation cells. But there was a problem. They all had a shield that protected them from the radiation of the sun, fortunately it seemed to be also powered by the sun itself. That meant he could get in, but probably just when the  Master's cell was in the aphelion.   
The thin Time Lord recalibrated the scanners to track the cell the Master was in and realised it would take about another twenty minutes for the cell to get into  the right position.  And then he did something he probably shouldn't have.

The Doctor let the TARDIS hack into the system of the cell and show him real time footage from the camera in there.

The quality wasn't the best and there was no audio to go along the picture and he was glad about that. Glad that he couldn't hear the moments when he saw the Master scream into the empty room, nor the small phrases that were just tiny moves of his split lips.   
It was worse than he thought.   
The blond Time Lord  looked shattered.   
Nothing like his usual self.   
Too skin, too pale and even without properly seeing it he almost felt the haunted eyes on him.   
On top of all he seemed to be shaking, but also wasn't enough in his right senses to put his shirt and hoodie back on. 

The Doctor's hands were already on the levers to jump forwards in time and get there immediately, but stopped himself. For the Master it would be the same amount of time, it would be just for him. Glancing over at the screen, his eyes shut for a second and his mask of anger broke for a few moments showing the worry and pain behind it.   
Taking a deep breath he looked back at the screen, mumbled:"I'm so sorry." and then shut it off. He couldn't help him in that moment and watching him wouldn't do any  good.    
Instead of that he straightened himself and took a  deep breath before he moved the infirmary within the TARDIS matrix so it was connected  to the console room and ran in there, preparing everything he could possibly need with shaking hands.   
He even grabbed a bottle of water and a syringe with adrenaline just in case. Once he got him in there it will be alright. Of course it will be alright..  But what if not?   
That though made him gasp and grab the edge of the counter hard enough to make his knuckles go white.   
What if they made everything worse? What if he was too far gone? Too broken?   
No no the Master would never give up, never break for real and he won't ever let him start with that.

Staying like that for a minute he stared at the wall in front of him, thinking of what to say to him. Thinking too much and not at all, paralysed by the pictures he had seen minutes ago. He didn't want to think. The Doctor shook his head as if he could rid himself of those thoughts like that. Spinning around on his spot he controlled the equipment again and returned to the console room. 

Four minutes.

                                       Three...

                                                                      Two...

**One...**


	6. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can silence do to a man who lived in constant noise.   
> What can silence be to a man who doesn't know it?   
> How could he believe to be saved when there is nothing left to hold on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE LAST CHAPTER!   
> Sooo I just.. ugh.. ok TRIGGER WARNINGS! And I mean it. Panic Attacks, self-injury, suicidal thoughts...   
> *sighs* But it is the end I had in mind for a while so I couldn't make myself to make it different. 
> 
> I hope you like it <3

How does someone define silence?Lack of sound?  
But that was not it, was it?   
It felt like utter nothingness. Vacuum. A vortex without any shape that tore at his mind with every beating of his hearts.   
He couldn't stop it. He couldn't stop his thoughts slipping from him and couldn't keep them in his head.   
Without wanting to do it, his mind was reaching for a signal that had faded after centuries of torturing and guiding him.

The blond was still sitting, leaned back against the wall, eyes wide open and gasping after screaming for too long. His head was spinning and he still felt like there wasn't enough air in the cell. Like if he would suffocate on the silence around and within him.   
The Master closed his eyes eventually and reached with one hand to the juncture of his neck and shoulder, pressing his hand against his neck to feel his own pulse. It was too steady to be real. His hearts should be faltering the same way his mind did, but they just refused. His body refused to give up. Refused to let go of his shattered mind.  
Still shaking he turned his head until his cheek was pressed against the cold wall and the next gasping inhale was close to a sob. How could lack of pain be worse than the pain itself? Everything felt too soft, too disconnected from him. Like if he wasn't there at all.   
There was something warm and wet on his cheek, but he didn't care to wipe away the tiny tears. He was too dehydrated for more than that anyway and what did it matter? He was alone in an empty cell.   
For the first time really alone.   
Completely.   
With no chance to get out of there.   
With no purpose anymore.  
  
His breathing started to became erratic with the rising panic and he just needed something to ground himself... to hold himself in reality.   
Without even thinking he pressed his fingers and short nails into his own skin on and dragged it down from his neck towards the collarbone. Hard and fast. Hard enough to leave throbbing red scratch marks.

And he opened his eyes again, breathing in like if there was suddenly air again.

It was like some of the pressure of the emptiness eased with the pain. He was so used to it. So used to feel pain that it helped. It felt normal. Like if he was still himself.   
He stared at the white walls and did it again, slower and deliberately deepening the trails.   
It was leaving an aching echo on his skin and was like a rope to hold onto so one wouldn't fall down into the pit of emptiness and darkness.   
There was no thought left to doubt his doing since it was the only thing that seem to have a positive effect and with every slow repetition and every tiny increase of depth of the three wounds made him breath normally and his mind concentrate on something. A simple physical thing that made him whole again for a while. Just so he would not scream again. The emptiness filled with something he knew, but couldn't tell if it was good or bad. Not that it mattered. It was just something to hold onto.  
His fingers didn't stop even when the resistance eased when blood came from the scratches.   
The only thing that changed was that it made him laugh. Mad and wonderful laugh.

The pain brought him back from wherever his mind tried to escape before and he realised he was freezing. The temperature had dropped quickly and he was shaking uncontrollably felling like the blood running down from the new wounds burned on his skin in the same way as the Doctor's hand did. Closing his eyes he dropped his hand and wrapped his arms tight around his ribcage, feeling the bones under his finger and leaving a bloody track on his skin.

"Now you injure yourself? Pathetic." came from above him and the Master looked up with fear in his eyes staring at the Doctor.   
"I..I'm not. It's nothing. I can't think.." he pressed his eyes shut, shaking from the cold, fear and blood loss. When he opened them again the other was gone. The Time Lord tilted his head back with a pained cry, the split lip breaking open again.   
" I hate you." he mumbled starring in front of him expecting the Doctor to come back and finally free him in some way, but that was too kind. Too much to expect from him.   
All their lives he had been kind to others, but... him. No...

He didn't know how long he was in that cell or how long he stared on the opposite wall when there was a sudden noise. The Master flinched and immediately pressed his hands to his ears, oversensitive to the sound after he was drowning in silence for so long. Yet he recognised it.   
In the corner of the cell materialised a TARDIS and as he glanced up it was clear it was the Doctor's. The Master let his arms fall again to the same position as before and looked down on the ground, not remotely reacting to the new hallucination. Why should he? The Doctor had just found a new way to torture him. Showing him a way out that wasn't one.

"Master...?" came the wavering words to him after the Doctor walked out of the TARDIS and he glanced up at the mentioning of his name. It was an odd contrast to have a big blue box in the white characterless room out of sudden. Why did his mind even make the effort to call it up in so much detail? Pointless.   
"I've changed my mind. I don't like it. You don't mean it." he mumbled, slowly his eyes focusing on the other Time Lord.

The Doctor froze the second he got out of the TARDIS and looked down at the other man with eyes wide open and filled with worry. The other's words and voice wasn't just the way he remembered him. He didn't even entirely look as himself anymore. Even his presence felt wrong.   
"Master please.." he started and took two quick steps forwards, which turned out to be a mistake.   
The other Time Lord gasped and pushed himself along the wall to be further away from him, staring at him in fear.   
It made him stop, eyes flashing up with genuine horror and gasp himself.   
Until the Master had moved he hadn't notice how skinny and pale he was nor the wounds on his hand and neck with blood make in its path down his upper body.   
"Please. I'm here to help. Believe me."

"Don't mock me. If you're here to end it, just do it, you coward. You've done enough already" ,the Master snapped weakly at him, hoping his body would react at least with unconsciousness when his hallucination killed him again.   
Why did he had to hallucinate him of all the people he knew in his lives? Of all the people that could hurt him over and over... he was the worst. And he hated it. Everything.   
In the Doctor's presence the drums had been either very quiet or incredibly loud. Now there was nothing. Maybe it was just because none of that was real anyway.   
The Master pressed his eyes shut and reached with his damaged hand to the other side of his neck and breathed out slowly as he made one long scratch across it, curved down slightly at the end. That feeling was real. The Doctor wasn't. Yes concentrating on that again was a good idea.   
There was a tiny smile on his face as he did it again a little bit deeper, feeling the skin breaking once more.

The Doctor stared at him, eyebrows drawn in and he felt like he shouldn't move. It was so surreal and he didn't understand what the Master meant entirely. He just came for him to get him out and this reaction.. it was... ooh...   
On the cameras he had seen him talking into the seemingly empty room. For him it wasn't empty. He was hallucinating.   
Lost in his thoughts he didn't see what the blond was doing until a new trail of red made him focus on him again. "No..." he breathed out in shock and quickly walked up to him, falling on his knees and took the other's wrist pulling his hand from his neck to stop him for harming himself.   
"Stop it. Please. Just don't do that..." he said, looking in the Master's eyes who tried to get out of his grip again and escape him. In his state he wasn't strong enough for that and he gave up after merely a few seconds.

"Can't you just let me? It helps. It fills the silence." the Master whispered, frowning at him. At least the fingers around the burned skin were a little bit helping.  

"I'm here. I'm talking to you. " asked the Doctor and loosened his grip on him taking a closer look at it. Those were serious burns and there were small shards buried deep within his skin. He really had to get him to the infirmary be it by carrying him, since he wasn't sure if the Master could even walk in that state.

The Master groaned and pulled his hand out of his, his eyes softening a little bit and there was a look of a lost child in them. Still shaking the blond answered very silently as if he was afraid of the words coming from his lips:

"The silence inside my head. You were right. They are gone. Left me. I can't think.. I can't breathe.. I... I... I don't want it. It doesn't hurt. It... it's worse.."

By the end of that he was breathing too fast and his eyes darted off searching the room for something that wasn't there. The thing was that he actually found the Doctor standing beside, smiling coldly and looking down at him.   
"Can you feel it, Koschei? It comes ever so slowly, doesn't it? A cold wave slowly taking you away and dragging you into nothingness. You can feel yourself slipping again. Wanting to fall. How much do you wish to die already?"

"SHUT UP AND JUST DO IT!" he screamed at the smiling Doctor closing his eyes and starting to count out loud. Count like if they were still there. Suddenly there was a gentle touch on his cheek and he turned his head to the Doctor. Why wasn't he smiling anymore. Did he listen? Was he there to grant him release from the emptiness?   
"Please, Doctor." he said looking into the brown eyes with a begging and broken voice.

The Doctor had flinched at the Master's cry and had turned his head automatically, but there was no one and yet he knew it was himself again. Slowly he reached for the other's face with his hand, feeling even worse as he felt the slightly looser skin over the bones. He was afraid to break him more if he would do more than that. When the other looked back at him, he slipped his hand further back.   
"I'm here. I won't leave you hear any longer. I'm real" the Doctor said shifting a little bit closer and for once the Master didn't flinch or try to run away.   
"You're not. It doesn't matter. You win... Just.. I can't hear them anymore. I don't know how to be without them." the Master answered, his eyes unfocusing again as he looked over the Doctor's shoulder to see the smiling Doctor.

"Now you're imagining me twice. Oh dear. You've really gone mad."   
"Which is entirely your fault." the Master breathed out, switching between him and the other sad Doctor. No not sad. Pitying Doctor. Always that pity he had towards him. It was maybe worse than the smile.   
"No it's not. You've always meant to end up like this. I just should have put you in here sooner. Lock you up in the TARDIS and forget." said the smiling one and walked up to his other self, running his hand through his doubles hair, but it didn't move. The Master frowned and looked back at the kneeling Doctor.   
"Why did you put me here?" he asked flatly, but didn't move out of the touch, starring at the sad one.

"I did not put you here. The Sisterhood did. And I am real. Whatever you're imagining right now. Me.. It's me who is real." the Doctor answered with a pleadingly desperate overtone to his words. He had to believe him. And the accusation hurt more than he would admit.   
"Do you really think I could ever do this to you? I would never let you like this and you know that. I would never leave you alone in a cell without anything to drink or eat. Never. You have to believe me." he added reaching with his other hand to the Master's face as well to keep him holding his gaze and focus on him and not the hallucination.

"I will die here. You told me so. You won't help me. You always say so, but you never do it." mumbled the Master, just minimally moving his lips and his eyes going from the sad Doctor's face to the smiling one's right over the first's shoulder.   
"Yes. Yes you will." that one answered and grinned at him.  
"No! No you won't die here. I never said that. I won't let you. We will leave and you will be fine. I promise you that. Look at me!" the pitying Doctor answered, sounding a little bit louder than the smiling one. The Master obeyed the little order and ignored the other one, not listening to his words.   
"Y...you..." he uttered some sort of confusing coming into his look and voice.

"Yes. Me. Always me and I won't harm you. You have to believe me." said the Doctor and gently pulled the other forwards until their foreheads were pressed together. The second he reached out for the other, the Master gave a surprised yelp, flinching back, shaking again and breathing hard.  
"I'm sorry. Sorry." quickly the Doctor said and stayed still, holding his gaze.

The silence was too much, but a touch of someone's mind.   
Wait.. how could he flinch away from his own hallucination if it had to be his own mind.   
But it wasn't.   
It was one he knew in detail.  
Details that screamed Theta Sigma and that just screamed the Doctor. How could he imagine that?   
The hesitating touch of their thoughts as his own fleeting ones grasped around the other's.   
It couldn't be...   
Was he really there?...

"D..Doctor?" he asked slowly and weakly leaning back against the wall. There was so much confusion and disbelief in his voice, that the Doctor just knew he finally started to believe him.   
"Yes! That's right. That's me. I'm really here, see?!" he said and reached for the not damaged hand, just putting his on top of it to have a physical contact for the telepathic connection.   
Gently so he wouldn't cause him any pain he reached out for him again, cringing at the smallest projection of the pain and emptiness, but he didn't pull away. Not a chance.   
The Master had to know it was him and only him and that he was there to get him out. To help.   
"Believe me now?" he asked a few seconds later finding the answer written all over the other's changed pale face. The blond closed his eyes and started to laugh. Not the sort of mad one that came so easily past his lips when he was in pain or watched other's being destroyed through his will.   
A weak, hoarse, real laugh. Just for a few seconds before he looked at the other and nodded.

The Doctor's face lit up with relief and he reached into his pocket for the little bottle of water, opened it and offered it to him:   
"You need some water. Go on. Just don't drink it too fast."   
The blond time Lord took it wordlessly and tilted it to let a stream of fresh water past his lips. It spilled a little bit but he could immediately feel the change. Some of the pressure holding him constantly on the edge of fainting went away almost immediately. As the Doctor got up, he mumbled a few words of protest, but stopped as he saw him just getting his clothes from the ground.   
He could still see the wrong Doctor standing in the middle of the room and watching him without moving beside his eyes.

The younger Time Lord took the shirt out of the hoodie and walked back to the Master, rolling the shirt up to clean away the worst trails of blood from his torso. The other didn't even protest, just looked at him with a light confusion remaining in it.   
"Come on then. Let's get out of here." he said and pushed the hoodie over his head, helping him to get his arms into the sleeves. Gods it felt just so wrong to see him like that. Wrong to see him weak...   
Despite his words the Master didn't move and when the Doctor was done he whispered, breaking away at the end of his sentence.   
"They are gone, Doctor. I don't know who I'm supposed to be without them..."

The Doctor's eyes softened and he answered:   
"I don't know either, but I'm sure you will find out. For me you're still you, just without being tortured by the drums in your head. Maybe... maybe it will be a good thing in the end. No not maybe. I'm sure it will. Now I'd like to leave..."   
The Master looked at him and for once wished he could have so much hope as the other seem to have all the time. But maybe it would be enough for the other to believe he was still himself to eventually believe it as well.   
"I agree. Let's go then." the blond said and tried to push himself up to his feet again, almost falling again.   
With that the Doctor leaned forwards and wrapped his arm around the other's waist to prevent him from hitting the ground again. He also moved the other's arm over his shoulders to support him more. Then with slow steps he headed for the TARDIS, watching the other carefully.

The Master didn't thank him, but didn't protest either. There was something that caught his eye instead. It was the smiling Doctor who was not smiling anymore. He was just staring at him, watching and as they passed him, that wrong Doctor leaned in and whispered in the Master's ear:

"You're right. You can be something. You will be his little pet and you will be everything you had despised all your lives. Meaningless."

The blond Time Lord closed his eyes, wrinkles on his forehead as the words hit him like daggers buried into his chest. He leaned more on the real Doctor and just answered in his mind for no one to hear:

_'So be it.'_


End file.
